Where are You Focusing?
The cliffs of Portugal’s Algarve Coast
For years I said I had a fear of heights until I realized I love being up high. It was when a part of me would say, “that’s not safe, you will fall over the edge and get hurt” that the fear would kick in. This sounds like a mother talking to their child but the image in my head that went with that statement was me plummeting to an inevitable death. This was not being afraid of heights this was being afraid of falling
It seems like I have always had a fear of falling. I remember having dreams as a child about falling, spinning down into this never ending abyss, there was no bottom. As I grew I discovered that being up high, is the place the fear of falling became most visceral. My body responded with curled toes, like I was trying hang onto the earth, this even happened watching TV, hanging on so tight my feet would cramp. My family would tease me as I would say that being five feet away from the edge was too close. I needed to back away even further to compensate, like me being ten feet away from the edge would keep them from falling.
Two years ago my partner and I were in the Algarve, the southern coast of Portugal, where there are the most spectacular cliffs made of rock, clay and shells. There are trails that run along the tops of most of the cliffs, many of them you could walk from village to village on. They surround hidden beaches, rocky shores and many areas of erosion where you could look down a hole and see the ocean churning below you.
As you can imagine walking these trails may be a little challenging for a person who has a fear of falling. It was. There was also a moment of great insight that has stayed with me ever since.
“ If you focus on the cliff you will only see the edge but if you focus on the path you will see the path and that it is wide enough for you.”
We were walking on a path that was close to the edge of the cliff and I was moving slowly, breathing deeply and talking out loud to myself so I would remember I was safe. At this point my partner asked me “Where are you focusing?” I immediately said “I am focusing on not falling over the edge of the cliff” while thinking isn’t this obvious, how else am I not going to fall? That is when he said, “ If you focus on the cliff you will only see the edge but if you focus on the path you will see the path and that it is wide enough for you.” I felt like my world turned upside down. Immediately I could feel my body shift from the tightness of anxiety to sinking into the earth knowing I was held, feet on a path that really was wide enough.
Since then I have found countless times where that question is relevant and helps me shift from thoughts that keep me stuck to thoughts that ground me and create spaciousness. Now there is a comfort when I think path or cliff because I trust the path will be wide enough and the earth will hold me.
Where are you focusing, the cliff or the path?
What would change if you could focus on and trust the path?